Class Reunions - Love Them, or Hate Them

Well, I have been out of high school since 1968 and after avoiding the reunions for years I am getting brave and will be attending mine this summer.  It's funny because I haven't been afraid to see some people, or upset because some that I would love to see won't come, or are gone.  So why has it taken so long to even want to go again?  For me it is a lot about who I am now and a great deal about who I was then.  I was always trying to fit in, and though I may have seemed unafraid to many I knew - I wasn't.  In fact it has taken me many years to gain that confidence I pretended to have back then.  (I mean I did so much - drama, talent show, and just put myself out there!)

Confidence comes from a secure knowledge that you are loved and cared for, and I know I'm not alone when I say I know I wasn't.  But life has changed and I have grown stronger and in many ways more curious about what those around me during those hard times in high school were really like.  I am going to the reunion this year.  Not because I am unafraid, but more because I want to know some of those people now.  (I already know one and want to know her better!!  :-)

Spirit-filled, Courage

Today, in spoken word, text, and thought I have been faced down with the word courage - 3 times.  Each time I have explored in a thoughtful, almost spiritual manner chewing on the consonants and swallowing the harshness that comes from my own fear of stepping up and being courage-filled when I have always held back and been more follower than leader.

I have to admit that the idea of being courageous has often put me to flight if not in actuality, then at least in my mind.  There are so many reasons for my fearfulness, all of them tied to the past.  You'd think I would be able to step beyond that history and find a way to stand tall,but it isn't as easy as that sounds.

So, today I tell myself out loud that I'm really brave.  I can truly stand up for myself.  When I have little successes I smile, but even the little ones are so difficult at times.

I often feel like the wind, sometimes strong and powerful, while wispy and zephyr-like at other moments.  There is no constancy in my nature many days no matter how hard I try.  But I do feel I know my strengths better, and my days seem to be better. I think I know me better and understand who I am, and what I can actually do in my small world, today.

I've learned to at least like change, especially in my computer.  I'm taking pride in problem solving when there are new programs, and glad when I prove myself when conquering everything new.

My computer is actually where I do the strongest work on me.  I know my computer is a friend, even when there are changes.  At least there fear does not rule.  No, there challenges and success are the norm.

Now to get it to carry over into the rest of my life.